Cosmic Motherhood | Magic + Joy | Lamorinda Resources

The earth is just beginning to wake from its winter slumber, and the frenzied new-year-new-everything pace is breaking, graciously, as the ice always does. I always welcome the (calendar) new year, but don’t feel like it’s time to reflect until I sow some late winter seeds and dip my toes ever so slightly into what comes next. So, here we are, Feb 9, and my 2024 reflections:

• Physical health. 2024 is the year I finally totally rehabbed my knee. When you can walk, dance, spin and generally pick up your baby girl whenever she asks, you feel grief for when you couldn’t and gratefulness for your perseverance. What worked this time: ignoring the surgery-happy consult I first went to, PT where I showed up and admitted that I had never previously put in better than a C-, but this time was gunning for an A (thank you Lafayette PT!), and very moderate pain relief so I could feel the little pings and indications that I needed to strengthen vs. relax. 2025 = enjoying the sh*t out of my newfound mobility and continuing to steadfastly care for this ever-forgiving temple.
• Motherhood. Arzu inspired much awe, different from the incredible earlier years of physical development. Rather the awe comes from bearing witness to the unique being that is her come alive – her observations and synapses firing, her tenderness, her fire, sometimes just her breath. Some are most definitely the seeds we sowed, yet the really magical parts are the ones that can never be molded or touched – the great unknown peeking through. I’m a very confident mother, but as was always the Great Plan, her fire pushes my buttons and and her tenderness demands I soften further, frequently. Inspired entirely by IG, this year I started hugging her for as long as she would hug me, letting her pull away first, and dam* it’s delicious. This morning we forgot her lunch at home, and while mildly annoyed, I was mostly ecstatic that I would get to see her mid-day for extra hugs at the drop-off. My only regrets in life are the moments when I’m not resourced to be present for her, parts of which I control and others systemic. Mostly though, I am incredibly lucky, relish being her mom, and try not to forget it. 
• Style. I got bangs again! Why, Samia, why??? They looked really bangin’ for about a minute. Anyway. Some lessons will (should) never be learned. Also after switching to fully remote work and spending full days padding around our cold concrete floors, I finally started wearing socks after years of not owning any, and ugh, the magic of cozy feet. I love my 40s. 
• Pleasure. Over the summer we enjoyed a magical 3-week summer trip to Europe, and by the end, I had forgotten what day it was. First to Ireland for a wedding, then a few weeks in France where we reveled and shook our heads at how easily Arzu took to the good life we used to enjoy as DINKs. Highlights: Beach snacks and naps on repeat on the Riviera, baby’s first Parisian flea market trinkets, the magical countryside Le Barn where Arzu rode a horse and picked up archery, my endless Nordic baths in the balmy summer afternoons, and eating and drinking for hours as the summer sun set. Arzu won’t remember much of it, but we will forever remember being her happy parents under the golden sun. 
• Breastfeeding and perimenopause, friends and foes. I fed my baby girl for three-and-a-half forking YEARS. There has been nothing more healing, more enveloping, more nourishing (for both!) than feeding my baby through the years. I was made for it, and I’m so grateful for my grit and will through the horrific early weeks of birth trauma and delayed supply to make it to the easy and deeply natural part that I got to enjoy over the last several years. Extended BF has been my biggest IDGAF in life, because the odd questions (“is it just for comfort” lol I dunno but if yes so is cow’s milk for adults I suppose?!) or looks (look ‘em straight in the eyes ladies) or POVs probably never met a woman like me, and if you know me you know I amusedly take great pride in that. Baby girl and I still feed very infrequently, but I definitely dried up this year. As a result, perimenopause has suddenly come comically knocking, LOL. Arzu also recently told me that you become an ancestor when you’re 40 and I told her how dare you.
• Content. I started voraciously “reading” again, this time with the help of Audible and every trip, preschool pickup, and drop-off. If you’re looking for a rec, I discovered The Heart’s Invisible Furies and sobbed in the parking lot when I finished it. Queer love, grief, belonging and the mother-child bond, my utmost favorite things. 
• Work. I started a refreshing new job with a great purpose, little structure and a ton of Canadians. 
• Work, but make it fun. I launched a micro-local business! Supporting postpartum moms (you’re here!)! After years in strategic marketing I got my hands dirty with site design, payment systems, SEO, knocking on doors to make connections, and generally rolling my sleeves up and putting myself totally out there. I rather love all of it, and the best part is sitting in circle with incredible women, the real key to the universe. The only downside has been that I have SO MANY IDEAS and never enough time. This year, I also graduated my local CERT training, a FEMA program that teaches basic disaster response skills. Highlights included lifting a 3,000lb slab of concrete with a partner and spotting equally safety-nerd classmates about town. Thanks to the business, the busy-ness, and also the spaciousness, I consistently run into folks I know when shopping, working out, or exploring our lovely home base. Moving to a new town with an infant in a pandemic is not recommended but what we did. Finally, after nearly 4 years here, I’m feeling like I’ve found a community-so much more to come this year.
• Adventures and Traditions. In February, Arzu’s cousins visited, and I loved watching them laugh, run, and play together—I wish we all lived closer. Later, Arzu and I continued our annual girls’ trip tradition with a visit to Khala (auntie) in New York. Arzu, of course, was a natural New Yorker, and it was so special to take her around my old stomping grounds. Later in the year, my old roommate and I celebrated our birthdays on a family trip to Hawaii, and seeing the kids we once dreamed of playing together was surreal and moving. Travel is amazing, but it’s the people who make life beautiful.
• Crushed Christmas. Ugh, we love the holidays so much, but this year was so good. We hosted Nana and Khala, ate all the treats, slurped all the hot chocolates, saw all the twinkly lights, went to our first Dickens Fair (we are going to get SO into this), Velveteen Rabbit, Polynesian Christmas (Arzu’s greatest love beyond princesses and archery), and even went ice skating for a painfully comedic 3 minutes. While entirely entrenched in and loving the magic of the season around us, the best part was winter at home. Streamlining our home all year, we got to soak in the magic of our cozy beautiful home-enjoying the rain, snuggling, and watching life’s gifts and memories be hung from the tree. Hot tip, when January comes barreling at you and you’re not in the mood quite yet, getting cozy and binging Christmas movies is totally appropriate too. Taking our time with the holidays, I felt satisfied and unrushed when we put the old year away. Always take your time.
• What I Didn’t Find Time For. Time with Supat. We love being a family unit, but we miss each other. Without free childcare, Arzu is almost always with us, and while she’s such a natural part of our lives, it’s hard to carve out time for just the two of us. I also didn’t make as much time as I wanted for new or old friends. Between parenting, work, and the daily juggle, I’m really good at showing up when invited—but not always great at being the one to invite or initiate. This year, I hope to get better at making the first move—whether with Supat or friends—and finding ways to create space for those connections.
• Gratitude and grief, unlikely friends. A while ago I came across a saying to remember that you do not yet know all the people that you will love in your lifetime, and this year was expansive, in both new (to me) souls that had always meant to meet, and the deepening of relationships that have endured or I was able to cultivate (despite earlier point). I think about this a lot and often share with Arzu. This is also the year I finally started to-allowed myself-to mother myself. Through the sorrows and joy that earthly human existence brings, I have found many ways to come back to myself, to embrace the connection to all, and see the swirls between it all. 

Thank you, 2024,—and thank YOU for reading.

P.S. Here at Cosmic Motherhood we never forget about mom. Recently postpartum? Read our blog on all about how to care for Mom (and goodies she’ll appreciate). We offer holistic services and tools to support, inspire, and empower your journey through motherhood.